Creating Family Rituals

With schools on Winter Break and families spending more time together, we have an opportunity to create beloved family and holiday rituals with our children. In his book, Ritual: How Seemingly Senseless Acts Make Life Worth Living, anthropologist Dimitris Xygalatas explains how rituals provide balm for our anxieties, encourage our connections with one another, and help us nurture meaning in our lives.

Our children thrive upon rituals, too. Research tells us that rituals provide our children with an awareness of family identity and positive experiences that help them cope with stress. When we have rituals in our lives, we can draw upon those connective times and rely upon an internal sense of having a web of support rather than feeling alone.

Rituals also help our children develop a growing sense of themselves as a member of a greater whole which promotes positive developmental outcomes. Plus, rituals can be great fun! If you need some ideas for new rituals this holiday season, here are a few ideas to consider.

Craft (or Re-Craft) Cards Together

Repurposing holiday cards is a fun way to go back through the greetings your family received and extend the spirit of the season. Children can cut out pictures from the cards and glue those onto paper or card stock to create a gift tag, collage, or new card. The half-cards can also be used as post-cards with a brief note or thank you jotted on the undecorated site.

This economical activity not only offers children a way to creatively express themselves, but it also can provide practice with several fine motor skills. If your child is not yet writing, they can dictate a message to be added to a card, draw a small picture, or just sign their name. Older children can learn how to make a homemade envelope and even practice writing the mailing and return address.

If children are enjoying this process, they can also send homemade greetings to the nonprofit Cards for Hospitalized Kids for distribution (just be sure to check the site for guidelines, especially regarding glitter!).

Sing Together or Compose a Song

Music is a powerful way to cultivate togetherness and belonging. When we sing (and dance!) together we build trust and human connection, while also alleviating stress. The holidays offer so many opportunities for creating music. If you aren’t keen on traditional carols or songs of the season, another fun option is to gather different music-making tools, like different-sized bells or even glasses with different amounts of water in them. Experiment with gently shaking the bells or tapping glasses with a pen or similar item to create a little melody. If everyone likes the tune, play around with adding some words to describe a funny part of the day, tell a story of the holiday, or share about a favorite food!

You also may want to sing the same song before meals. Singing together can help punctuate the transition from activity to meal time and help your child feel more connected as you sit down as a family to enjoy time together.

Cooking and Special Meals

Time in the kitchen is always a simple and accessible way to create some holiday memories. For families fortunate to have some extra time off, children revel in the experience of gathering ingredients, measuring, mixing, decorating, and even getting sudsy during the clean-up.

Young children might enjoy dipping pretzels or peppermint sticks in melted chocolate and then (before the chocolate hardens) twirling them in sprinkles. Or you have a favorite cookie recipe for the holidays. Your children can help make a batch and then package the cookies with a fancy bow to deliver to neighbors or first responders especially those working over the holiday such as law enforcement, firefighters, and healthcare workers.

Find a special night when you might turn off all electric lights and enjoy dinner together by candlelight. (Make sure all electronics are turned off and put away for this special time!) Let your children help gather candles and candle holders and show them how careful you are around a lit flame. Put on some soft music and enjoy a slower, more quiet meal together.

Listen to or Share Stories

Storytelling captures our imaginations and transports us to other times and places. During the holiday season, we can create special moments when we come together to share stories, memories of past years, or stories from our childhoods that honor our culture and share our most cherished values and ideals. We can invite our children to share their stories, too! This kind of story time could be an opportunity to read treasured picture books aloud. Even older children will delight in the opportunity to revisit old favorites.

We can also create a scene like that of the days when families would gather to listen to a radio drama. Make it cozy and appealing with pillows, soft throws, and special snacks. You may want to light the fire or burn a special candle. You might want to use a Bluetooth device to listen to an audio story. Sites like Story Nory or Light Up Your Brain offer short pieces (roughly 5 to 10 minutes long) if you want to warm up to the story-listening experience! Even your local library may have options for family storytime to play through their website or app.

Tour Holiday Lights

With all the holiday lights out in late December, it can be fun to have everyone get into pajamas, take a thermos or to-go cups of hot chocolate, and take a neighborhood driving tour with plenty of stops for sipping cocoa. Some neighborhoods are more walkable and may have luminarias on display to help light the path, so you may opt to pop out of the car and stroll through the fantastic displays together. For elementary-aged and older children, you can invite them to rank their favorite front yard displays, create a scavenger hunt, or try to fill out homemade bingo cards. Playing some holiday music on the ride home only makes this more memorable.

"Above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places.” –Roald Dahl

Help Others

How often have you heard someone reminisce about fond memories of taking time over the holidays to volunteer at a local soup kitchen or choose items off an “Angel Tree” to gift to those in need at a warming center or to servicemen and women overseas? You might hear them say that they had a lot more fun serving others than many other activities. Volunteering can be much more heartwarming than the seemingly obligatory hustle and bustle that comes with this time of year. Activities that spotlight giving are another example of sharing your family’s values and embracing the holidays as a time to help others and express generosity.

Even selecting and dropping off a few cans of food off for the Food Bank at a collection site with your children can be a huge help. Showing them the intention behind this simple act along with inviting them to express their own ideas for ways to help others can be heartwarming to witness. Older kids may want to help shovel a neighbor’s walk (even anonymously!) or drop off a small plate of cookies. They will soon discover that giving can truly be more rewarding than receiving!

Rituals are a significant part of our human experience and offer us ways to ground ourselves and form connections. As the holiday busyness subsides, let’s use these days together to connect with our children and create new family memories. Please also share your favorite rituals below. We’d love to hear from you!

“Children see magic because they look for it.” – Christopher Moore